Diabetic Cyborg Life 11/11: Anguish Eternal
Totally gone in 34 days, from something “might be wrong” to stone dead
The gripping, mind-numbing, earth-shattering, and life-altering mood that extends from my mother’s death may well hold me until my last breath. Day-in-day-out I try to move on and find new things to be happy and excited about. That all works until my flex of “I gotta show mom this” brings back that end of the world feeling.
We, her kids at least, all knew good and well that we would outlive her, but none of us were close to consciously thinking of this reality. Life without the women that ran our lives, house, and world for most of our lives. No warnings, indications, or signs of the death outside the month of March 2021.
From the first of the month to the 27th of it, I can use two photos of the paramedics talking to Mom to the foot of the bed for her in hospice. Less than a month to brace and lose my hold on my heart, soul, and mother.
Even typing that is hard for me to comprehend is real.
The pain is real and hurts worse than any physical wound I’ve ever had.
