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Photo by Ryan Whitlow on Unsplash Source

I am shut away in the bathroom while they want to celebrate,

I just want to function like a human being with a measure of regularity,

I hate planned events … I always have disaster pants or something at the worst time,

A full-blown panic attack sets in with suicidal intentions,

“All you have to do is end it,” I think,

But I know that I am just freaking out since I feel that I am hold their fun,

“They would be so much better off without me around,” I think,

But I know I am blowing a simple thing in a literally life and death situation,

This is a horribly simple/dumb thing to push me to that,

Focusing on the possibilities of tomorrow help talk my off the preverbal ledge,

I laugh off the who thing and marvel at my quick movement to such a mental debate,

I just cleanup, change and take part in the happy times,

I just know that I talked myself out of a regrettable mental debate,

And hope that better times are coming and optimism will get me there.

Just a word about this poem: This was all internal, I only share to grow and learn. I feel I only grow from things if I have to answer for them. I also like to show that I don’t hide or not tell all that happens with me. –Adam

Muslim, Optimist, History/Political Science Prof. with no class. An Endurer of SPMS, T1 Diabetes and life.

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